Vehicle Safety Checks Monday

 Zombie mechanic eats brains and oil!

Dear students:

Please consider taking advantage of free vehicle check-outs this Monday afternoon May 2nd, 12.30 – 4pm, in front of the Activities Building.

Is your vehicle’s mechanical-genetic code complete and fit for purpose? Is it being out-competed on the great Road of Life by all the swanky new hybrids? Or has it turned down an evolutionary dead-end already? Does it need protection under the Endangered Species Act? Does it need to go to the great Outdoor Backyard Non-Running Vehicle and Oil-Tolerant Wildlife Sanctuary that composes a significant amount of Maine’s acreage, including my own? Or should we just ask one of our CommUnity Firearms Safety experts to put the old dog out of its misery?

In any case, don’t miss the opportunity Monday to have the old junker checked out thoroughly. In particular, don’t risk being stranded someplace remote, dangerous, or worst of all, without cell phone service!

Before you get in your olde ruste bucket and drive off into the wild blue yonder for a fine non-academic summer, let the experienced mechanics and other techy-geeky students of this year’s team of volunteers check the poor beast out.

We will check your tire pressures and pump them up if necessary, check and top off the oil and other fluids, and finally and perhaps most usefully, if your CHECK ENGINE light is on, we will use our computer reader to “pull” your trouble codes so you can finally know just what it is that your poor neglected automobile has been trying to tell you all these months.

(Did you know you can save lots of gas by keeping your car’s tires at the proper pressures? And that tire pressure changes as the weather warms and cools with the seasons, so you have to check them regularly! Did you know that a blown oxygen sensor is easy to fix and can save on gas too? Did you know that low oil level can kill your car’s engine? Well, now you know.)

Each participant will receive a written report on the serviceability of their vehicle, with details of any trouble codes and what they mean.

The college accepts no responsibility for the use or misuse of any of the information we give you about your vehicle, or for your car’s safety after you leave the campus, but we do suggest that it’s always better to know than not to know. In most cases.

(Employees are welcome too. Thanks to the Maintenance and Student Affairs departments for aid in providing this service.)

Be safe, drive safe.

Mick Womersley
Professor and Head Grease Monkey
(not necessarily in that order)